He reached for his phone to check the time. 6 minutes later, he realised he was on Instagram. He put away his phone. After a brief pause, he reached for his phone to check the time. It was 9:03 PM. Ashton had a pen to his temple. He stared agonisingly at a draft of his […]
*clears throat* Hi everyone, I’m Dave, I go by The Hacker. As some of you might know, I am this week’s speaker at the Villain Planning Summit. First off, I would like to extend a warm welcome to our new members, Cushion Demon and Moth Queen. Also, this time I would request Lava Arms to […]
…and that’s how I saved the day on Tuesday. What about you Steve? Did you have an exciting week? Can’t say that I did Sonia— — Giraffewoman. I prefer to be called Giraffewoman in public. Yes, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. Why are you Giraffewoman again? Your neck seems average length […]
Okay, I believe you. Not looking at explosions will make me cool. But frankly, I am not around explosions very frequently. I have been around 0 so far, and I am 32.And realistically, if I am around one, I would not care about looking cool THEN. If there are video cameras around, and I look […]
Alright, it’s time to attain some motherfucking inner peace. This amazeballs meditation session shall guide you, not only through your morning grumpiness but through the fuckall day you are bound to have. Okay, first off, close your eyes. There, you already feel better, because you are perpetually sleep-deprived. But feel free to attribute it to […]
What? I said rook to knight 7. Check. I don’t know what that means. It means I have you cornered. Queen to bishop 4. What the fuck are you even talking about? We are not playing chess. I am here to talk about Kristen. She and I are a thing, and you are being creepy […]
Hi, I’m here to do my share of writing history. Excuse me? Yes, my friend was telling me how history is written by the winners, and I like to believe I am a winner. When can I get started? Sir, this is a library. Yes, the home of the books. I want to contribute to […]
Wait wait wait, I’m confused. You are saying when you nod, it means we give your “guests” what they want. Yes, as I said, if a guest asks for something deep and meaningful, and I give it some thought, and then nod at you, you bring it for them. For example, if Mr Stern begs […]
Let me get this straight. You are an all-powerful genie, but when I asked you to give me 10 billion dollars, you gave me 10 billion Zimbabwean dollars, which are basically worthless. THAT IS CORRECT First off, what the fuck. We are in the United States. So US Dollar was implied. Any currency on earth […]
This is how it ends. This is how it always ends. With a fight till death between the two of us What?! That does not even make sense. If it has ended once before with a death-battle, then there are no rematches! Not our endings. I meant this is how all great rivalries end. Ah, […]
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