…and that’s how I saved the day on Tuesday. What about you Steve? Did you have an exciting week?
Can’t say that I did Sonia—
— Giraffewoman. I prefer to be called Giraffewoman in public.
Yes, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. Why are you Giraffewoman again? Your neck seems average length at best! Did a giraffe bite you? Do you turn into a giraffe when fighting crime?
Oh, it’s because when things stop going my way, I ‘evolve’ my strategy, and use it to my advantage.
…
Y’know, like the giraffes did with their necks.
…
…
Okay, let me wrap my head around this, which btw when you used that expression last week on the call, I was certain you were being literal. But tell me if I am getting this right: When in a difficult situation, you figure a way out of it.
That is correct.
Isn’t…Isn’t that all of us though Soni-Giraffewoman? Why not just be “Adaptowoman” or “Evolvogirl” or “Sonia”? Ignore Evolvogirl. Sounds dirty.
…
…
Look, Steve. Can I call you Steve?
Yes, that is my name.
Steve, I’m glad you brought this up. Clearly you don’t know the first thing about being a superhero. Granted, I missed that class too, so I don’t know the first thing either. But, I am REALLY good at things 2 to 23. So you can consider me an expert…
A hero is not their superpowers.
A hero is their myth… their legend…(pause for effect)… their brand.
You mean like how popular our merchandise is? Because I have not signed a distributor deal yet.
No, not our merchandise Steve.
Our brand is our backstory. I was hooked onto understanding evolution, and giraffes stood out.
Our brand is our strengths. I adapt to a situation and solve it.
Our brand is our weakness too, yes. I cannot creep up to a criminal without grabbing attention. I had to make a costume choice, and giraffes stood out.
Our brand… our brand is our hero name… Steve. Our brand is our hero name.
…
… (Looks around to see if someone was eavesdropping and was inspired by that speech. Returns to Steve dejected)
…
Look, Steve. Your weakness is “Plot Device”. Do you know how many heroes would kill for that weakness? It basically guarantees you won’t be killed off to inspire the protagonist. You ARE the protagonist! Which means you have a duty. A duty to inspire the masses, and to be a symbol of truth and justice.
I think those are taken by Superbman in Metrocop city. (Author’s note: If a reader is a copyright lawyer, could you just let me know if the above is “safe”) And he does a fine job of it! I just don’t want to be a hero that inspires!
I want to just ensure the world is safe, and go home to my couch, my pizza, and my hot Asian wife.
I guess that makes sense.(Other than the last 3 words which make you sound like a pig). You are not in it for the fame. Us neither, but it still feels good to be recognised. Not for you, it seems. Why do you have to be so perfect, Steve? Your humility amazes me!
Thanks, Giraffewoman, means a lot. Alright, I should be headed home now.
To your “hot Asian wife”? That’s a very insensitive way to refer to her btw.
Oh, that was 100% a joke. it’s a reference to Karl Anderson, the WWE wrestler. Sorry, I thought you were aware of the internet meme around it.
Oh, so you are not a pig, and well-versed with internet meme culture too? Get out of here Steve. I don’t need to feel worse about me right now. Go away. See you next month?
See ya!
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