Alright, it’s time to attain some motherfucking inner peace. This amazeballs meditation session shall guide you, not only through your morning grumpiness but through the fuckall day you are bound to have.
Okay, first off, close your eyes. There, you already feel better, because you are perpetually sleep-deprived. But feel free to attribute it to your meditation session. Inner Peace, brought to you by Toshiba: In touch with tomorrow.
Cool, now don’t dose off. Or do. I honestly could not give fewer fucks. If you do stay awake, breathe in. Do not think about how you forgot to finish that report yesterday, and could actually finish it in the 9 minutes this meditation is taking from the day. Because let’s be real, if you skip this session to do the report, you are more likely going to end up watching something mundane on your Toshiba TV: Feel The Power.
Are you still holding in your breath? Dumbass. If I ask you to jump off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff? If yes, contact me on gokutstg@gmail.com, I am considering starting a religion, and this would be an amazing start point to have people willing to die for me. Oh, and breathe out. If it helps with breathing out, imagine you are breathing out to form a small foggy area on your Toshiba LED TV: Committed to People, Committed to the Future.
Anyway, back to your toxicity-filled day you are not thinking about. A little-known fact about successful people. They are immune to the negativity and toxicity of day-to-day life. And we know the best way to get immune is by vaccinating viz. injecting a small amount of negativity and toxicity in you every morning. All this negativity can now be found starting 6 AM only on your Toshiba: Leading Innovation.
If I am counting right, that is 5 mentions of Toshiba done, enough for Panasonic to worry that Toshiba will get all the sales, and to sponsor tomorrow’s episode. If not, hopefully, Toshiba notices the increased sales and ends up paying me some money for their increased sales. Either way, your meditation is complete. You have achieved calmness. Your money shall not be returned. If you want to get up and go to work, lol. Okay. If not, YOLO.
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