...and other fancy phrases to make me sound smart
Yes, John, you can get that Porsche you’ve always wanted, but it comes at a cost. Yeah, €137,200. I am aware. No, the cost I speak of is not monetary Oh, you mean I have to live with the guilt of not using this money to save my leg with that surgery which would cost […]
What? I said rook to knight 7. Check. I don’t know what that means. It means I have you cornered. Queen to bishop 4. What the fuck are you even talking about? We are not playing chess. I am here to talk about Kristen. She and I are a thing, and you are being creepy […]
Hi, I’m here to do my share of writing history. Excuse me? Yes, my friend was telling me how history is written by the winners, and I like to believe I am a winner. When can I get started? Sir, this is a library. Yes, the home of the books. I want to contribute to […]
Caleb walked through what felt like the 100th puddle. He had stopped avoiding them. If he was going to die of leptospirosis, so be it. He had lived a street rat’s life, he shall die a street rat’s death. He drudged through puddle after puddle; let his tears be covered by the rain. The moment […]
*Clink* We are gathered here today to celebrate the joyous occasion of us wanting to drink Champagne. There is also the thing happening with our stocks being valued at some trillions of $, but let’s be honest, we are all here for the Champagne. This moment could not have been possible without any of you. […]
…and on the 15th day of the longest month, he will have popcorn stuck in his teeth. And it will be annoying. … Like a lot! … … Is that it? Well, it gets into details of which tooth it gets stuck in, but I doubt knowing that it is one of the pre-molars really […]
Hello, I’m Donny Jr’s father… Yes, my name is Kyle… Yes, Kyle Jr. would have been the logical choice… No, I just wanted to say to people who assume that “it makes an ass out of u and me”… No, it got boring like 2 months into him being named… No, he’s going to live […]
I have a pain in the neck. Literally. Pain. Inside my neck. You could call it sore throat. Semantics. It makes me thirsty. But water hurts. Like I am Charmander or something. It hurts so bad. Milk tea helped, but I have no way of recreating more of it as I am out of milk. […]
Wait wait wait, I’m confused. You are saying when you nod, it means we give your “guests” what they want. Yes, as I said, if a guest asks for something deep and meaningful, and I give it some thought, and then nod at you, you bring it for them. For example, if Mr Stern begs […]
Roses are red. Viole — Actually, roses can be yellow or white, and I would like it if you did not stereotype roses this way. Can we have one conversation where you do not make it about race? Just this once? Fine, go on. I don’t approve of the premise, but let’s see what you […]
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