*clears throat* Hi everyone, I’m Dave, I go by The Hacker. As some of you might know, I am this week’s speaker at the Villain Planning Summit. First off, I would like to extend a warm welcome to our new members, Cushion Demon and Moth Queen. Also, this time I would request Lava Arms to not be too literal in the warm welcome. Heh. I just kid. He’s a sweetheart.
Anyhoo, glad to see some diversity here with Cushion Demon. We have really been missing a biblically themed villain since… Steve…put away Handgrenade Angel.
Anyway, for the first-timers, a quick introduction of what’s going on here. As I am sure you read in the invites, this summit is a gathering of villains all over the city of Citypolis, mainly to plan what we are attacking in the following week.
Who classifies as a “villain”, you may ask. Well, in attendance we have members of every variety.
– Those who identify as “misunderstood” scientists.
– Those who are struggling for money in this economy, and are forced to a life of crime to survive.
– The east wall is mainly futurologists trying to solve the “population problem”.
– Some, like me, who disagree with the current laws and use our skills to fight the system.
– And finally, some who just are plain evil.
So, to keep it simple, A villain is Steve’s nemesis. As a thumb-rule, if your work is hindered by Steve, you are a villain and invited to VPS.
There are some rules though. We are not savages. Except for Savage Stethoscope. Looking good buddy.
Rule#1: DON’T KILL STEVE.
As VPS’ identity is dependent on Steve, none of us is actually allowed to kill Steve. Steve’s weakness, “plot device”, means regardless of our abilities, we all have an equal likelihood of capturing Steve.
Under VPS guidelines, at this point, we are expected to start monologuing. Steve identifies this as a weakness as well, but it’s a secret strength, which basically allows “plot device” to come full circle and rescue him.
Rule#2: BE IN THE LIMELIGHT.
We realised very early that if Steve is busy fighting one of us, the rest of us can comfortably carry on with business. Citypolis has surprisingly lax police and security, as everyone seems to believe Steve keeps them safe. So while one of us keeps Steve busy, the rest of us conduct…“villainy”. Again, some of us disagree on our definition of villainy, but it works.
That’s mainly it for the rules.
Let’s quickly review last week:
- Pirate Parrot broke into the naval lab and caused a ruckus on Monday. Distracted Steve, but only for 3 hours. Let’s try to make it 3.5 hours next time.
- On Tuesday, Giant Rampaging Robot destroyed 1/3rd of the city and kept Steve busy for a good 9 hours. One downside was the destruction of Professor Chaos’ lab. The upside is the destruction made it more chaotic, and Professor was happier than ever. Cheers Professor.
- Wednesday we took the day off, as it was a school holiday, and many of us wanted to spend time with our kids anyway.
- Thursday was Doctor Lawyer’s turn to get arrested. I hear she had to restrain herself quite a bit to not accidentally kill Steve. Her advice was to get him to monologue. He is good at those.Good note.
- Friday, we sent a promising new talent, The Nial to distract Steve. The first encounter was not very positive, so we will have to tweak things a bit, but he did tell us that Steve is busy with his niece’s birthday coming Saturday, so we might make it a 6 day week to cover up for Wednesday.
- Overall, he does not seem to suspect anything. Imp Oster went to his flat every day with his pizza delivery, and Steve seemed oblivious of VPS.
For next week’s draw, we have picked:
- Electrodude
- The Peacock
- Poker-chimp
- Sand-glasser
- The Hacker, that is me.
As per usual, the 5 of us will now meet-up and decide the day and time of each of our attacks, time of distraction, and end outcome (death, arrest or escape).
For the rest, stay back and enjoy a drink or 2. See you all next Sunday night!
Stay awesome, keep villaining. Hugs and kisses.
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