…and that was just the first step. Now that I have captured you, Steve, nothing will stop me from taking over the world. All the governments will bow before me, Dr Lawyer! And now, it is time to prove my might once and for all by destroying the moon! hahahahah HAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHAAAAAA!
…
…
Miss Lawyer was it?
DOCTOR LAWYER!
Yes, you have a lovely name. Hi. I’m Steve. You probably know me, considering you referred to me as Steve around 34 seconds ago. I take it you are new to the evil game?
I… I might have started recently, yes. It all began 3 months ago when I was fired from my work as a part-time lawyer, and when I got home, my wif—
— I’m sure it’s a very tragic and/or touchy story, and I AM trying to be more philosophically involved with you guys, but you have unfortunately triggered one of my only two weaknesses here.
What weakness?
Monologues. I am confident the way I die will be boredom from one of these bullshit monologues! It’s not you, you’re doing the perfect job of the villain! Kudos. I’m just not in the right mind space. I’m working on it with my therapist too, and next time, I assure you I will allow you to tell me your entire plan. But not today, sorry!
Do you think this is a joke, Steve? Well, I guess I will have to use the lightning bolts again to show you what I can really do! It’s how I captured you, and it is how I will ki —
Oh, no. That was not the lightning bolt that captured me. It was my other weakness. I did not mean to mislead you. So sorry!
Your other weakness?
Yeah, plot device.
I don’t even know what you are on about now.
Do you believe in a creator Miss Doctor? Because I do, and my creator could not think of a reasonable weakness that would not be too easy or too difficult to activate. He believed it should be activated when needed just the right amount, and he very uncreatively named it “Plot Device”. Unfortunately, this means I keep getting caught by super-villains who love to monologue, as it pushes the story forward.
Fortunately, it does mean that when the story has run its course, I can just stand up, put you in prison, go home to my pizza and sleep.
I don’t understand a word of what you are saying Steve.
Ah, sorry about that. If it’s any solace, this is the 4th time in 7 posts that my creator broke the fourth wall. He should get bored of it soon and will revert to writing more engaging stories which talk about the story and not about “oh look we are in a story” bullshit. I fucking hate my creator.
…Well, where does that leave us?
Hmm, I guess I’ll be taking you to jail now. Do you prefer flying there? Or do you want to wait for the cops? It’s on my way anyway, so either way works for me.
I think I’ll wait for the cops. I get motion sickness every time I fly.
Alright then. Nice meeting you Dr lawyer. In case you ever have a redemption arc and want to turn good and date the superhero, hit me up?
See you, Steve. Until next time?
Until next time…
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